Getting out of my head for the day

Well after the low of yesterday, I decided this morning not to sit at home and think, that's usually the worst thing I can do. So I called a friend, and headed to Dublin for the day. She was having a rough day yesterday too, so she was glad of the distraction.

We decided, spur of the moment to go to Wicklow to visit a couple of aviaries. I needed some male budgies to replenish my stock. As good an excuse as any! I got 5 beautiful boys, and I also found a blue pair of green cheek conures. They had to come home with me too.

My family were all in bed when I got up this morning. By 10.30 none of them were up, and I decided, just to see, not to leave a message. I wondered how long before one of them would ring to see where I was. 6pm this evening I got a text, asking was I coming home. Obviously once their bellies started to rumble, and there was no one there to cook for them they began to miss me! Goes to show how much I'm noticed round here really doesn't it?

D rang me this morning, asked to meet me tomorrow for a coffee. He is prepared to drive most of the way here (he lives 2 hours away). I think I will meet him, because we really need to clear the air.

Anyways, I am feeling a good bit better this evening, it was a good idea to get out of here.

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”

I find when I am low, that I push people away. I want to be alone, but at the same time I want to be with people. My kids get on my nerves, they seem to get more and more hyper, the more down I get. I hide in my bedroom, or I go walking with my dog.

There is one person I thought understood. No matter what I say to him, he knows its not me, its the illness talking. And he keeps coming back for more. He is a friend in a million. He told me if I ever wanted anything, all I had to do was ask. So today, I asked, and he said no. I asked if I could go stay with him and his wife for a couple of days, because I really feel I need to get out of here. It took so much for me to ask, and so little for him to say no.

I feel like he has let me down. I feel like I have let myself down for asking. I should have just held my tongue and struggled on through till Monday.

Where to start....

Welcome to my blog! This is my new journal, a record of my life and times and also my place to blast whenever I feel I have something worthy of saying out loud. To record the in's and outs of my life, and the discoveries I make along the way. 


I suppose I should start with telling you a little about myself. I'm a mum to 3 teenagers, a challenge in itself, I'm a taxi service to those aforementioned children. And I suppose the most interesting thing about me, that people usually stop and say wow, is that I am a parrot breeder! I keep all kind of parrots from budgies to large macaws. I have rescues, rehomes, and birds that I have bred myself. Many birds pass through my doors, and I feel responsible for each and every one of them long after they have moved on. 


My hobby, apart from birds is photography, so expect to see lots of photos on this blog. I'm just a novice, but I'm a passionate novice!  I shall chart my progress in the photography arena here, tell you of my attempts, my successes and of course my failures. 


Another reason for this blog is a kind of emotional diary. I have been suffering from depression for a while now, indeed I spent the week before Christmas in hospital. Depression is a horrible illness. I guess years ago I used to think people who said they were "depressed" just meant they were a little fed up, or sad. Now though I know how debilitating it can be. How dark, and lonely it is. How tired it can make you feel, of life, of everything.  Sometimes I feel I am always low, so using this diary I can remind myself of the times when I was happier, more optimistic. 


On a brighter note, here's my latest photography masterpiece. I'm very pleased with how this one turned out!