“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”

I find when I am low, that I push people away. I want to be alone, but at the same time I want to be with people. My kids get on my nerves, they seem to get more and more hyper, the more down I get. I hide in my bedroom, or I go walking with my dog.

There is one person I thought understood. No matter what I say to him, he knows its not me, its the illness talking. And he keeps coming back for more. He is a friend in a million. He told me if I ever wanted anything, all I had to do was ask. So today, I asked, and he said no. I asked if I could go stay with him and his wife for a couple of days, because I really feel I need to get out of here. It took so much for me to ask, and so little for him to say no.

I feel like he has let me down. I feel like I have let myself down for asking. I should have just held my tongue and struggled on through till Monday.